When Writing is Impossible…or How to Dress for Oprah

Greg, who does not know how to dress for Oprah

            It’s a New Year. It’s been awhile and I must admit this is my second attempt at writing a blog post since the New Year began. My first one had a similar title but a different ending, as in no ending. The middle was also different but I haven’t written the middle or end of this yet, so how would I know? So let me get down to business and tell you some other lies.

            Writing is hard. If anyone tells you that it’s not, tell them they’re an idiot and then sit down and write a 600 word essay about why you just called them that. And then publish it somewhere and pat yourself on the back, gently, knowing you’ve done some excellent writing that day.

            Damn! The wind is blowing. Now that’s the truth. It’s 8 degrees here in Buffalo and I’m getting ready to leave for California tomorrow morning. It’s the only appropriate thing to do when the weather starts behaving badly. That’s how I’m seeing it, like a naughty child that needs to be abandoned. I’ll come back in ten days when that kid has learned to mind its manners. Mid-January…that will be so much better.

            I know I’m lucky to be able to leave at all and what I’m going to be doing is really cool which is going to see my son, Zach, speak at Claremont Lincoln University in an evening called, “Uncomfortable Conversations,” a January Summit which has to do with Communication about sensitive subjects, like religion, disability, any kind of diversity.

 Zach will be interviewing Rainn Wilson, Rainn will be interviewing Zach, and if you don’t know who Rainn is, think about that goofy guy with the glasses on “The Office,” or Arthur, on “Six Feet Under.” That guy. He also has a show called “Metaphysical Milkshake” on the network he founded called “Soul Pancake” where Zach hosted “Have a Little Faith,” an Interfaith show, so it all makes sense.

The evening requires “cocktail attire” which I don’t think applies to the pajama pants and fuzzy sweater I’m rocking right now. In fact, nothing much in my closet really falls into that category. My work as an adjunct, substitute teacher, and now, hospital worker, does not really allow for me to dress-up much and I hate going shopping but I did buy this one dress a couple years ago. At my favorite couture boutique aka consignment store. I know that grosses some people out but I love wearing second-hand clothes! They have so much more character than stuff you can buy new and this dress is a Liz Claiborne which I could never afford. I didn’t know where I would wear it but I got it just in case an occasion like this arose.

It’s very Stevie Nicks and I’d love to say I put in a huge bid on E-Bay for it and it was an actual dress that she wore during her Fleetwood Mac days, but…I can’t even tell you the price. It’s too cheap (like 6 cents) and Zach would be mortified. I’m counting on Zach not to read my blog because he usually doesn’t but if you know Zach…shh, keep it under wraps, at least until Saturday.

I bought new clothes when I knew, or at least suspected, I’d be meeting Oprah. It was at the end of Zach’s filming of “Your Own Show” when I received a call from a producer saying they were flying me out to California for the finale. I hadn’t spoken to Zach in a few weeks because it was a reality show and part of the deal was to have no contact with family members. After I asked the obvious, is he a finalist, the very next question was, what do I wear? The response was pretty vague and I couldn’t ask anyone for help because I had to keep the fact that I was going a secret, another oddity about attending reality show finales.

So I took a trip to Kohl’s (they were the sponsors of the show) and bought myself a casual knit skirt and close fitting purple blouse. Conservative, not too flashy. Where I went wrong was with the shoes and not because they had ten inch heels and I can barely walk in sneakers, but because they were new and hurt my feet. So when I walk out on stage, it looks a little like I also might be in need of a wheelchair. If you want to see my big moment on T.V., here’s the link: http://www.oprah.com/own-your-own-show/And-The-Winner-of-Your-OWN-Show-IsIf you watched you can see my hair looks great (and it never does) because hair and make-up people actually made me look okay. I doubt they’ll be around this Friday.

But I know this Friday night, just like that day when I met Oprah, I don’t really have to worry about what I’m wearing or how my hair looks because all eyes will be on Zach and Rainn. And because they have good fashion sense, they’ll both look fantastic!